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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28523574">for the sake of love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongiefever/pseuds/hongiefever'>hongiefever</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ATEEZ (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Flashbacks, Hanahaki Disease, Heartbreak, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kim Hongjoong-centric, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sad Ending, Sickfic, Slow Burn, The Author Regrets Everything, Tragedy, Vomiting, Why Did I Write This?, lapslock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:42:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,131</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28523574</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongiefever/pseuds/hongiefever</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>in life, everyone has a soulmate. whether it be a friend, a family member or a lover, everyone has that special someone assigned to them by fate. lose your soulmate however and you suffer in the most painful ways known to man.</p>
<p>hongjoong realises what it feels like to lose the love of your life and sign your own death certificate.. for the sake of love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>for the sake of love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi !! this is my first ao3 post and i wrote this from 3-9am so please go easy on me, i'm a little sleep deprived.<br/>i'm so sorry what you're about to go through, but if you clicked on this for emotional support then i really hope you're okay &lt;3<br/>hope you enjoy !!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>it had been the spring of ‘16 when hongjoong first discovered his soulmate was his best friend and hyung, park seonghwa, and the summer of ‘17 when he faced reality and declared the painful truth to himself.</p>
<p>it had been a tough night admitting the truth but even tougher accepting it - he was an unrequited.</p>
<p>hongjoong knew what this meant, and admittedly, he was fucking petrified and most of all heartbroken. but he accepted his fate and dealt the cards life had given him, as cruel as they were. why? because he loved his soulmate.</p>
<p>he can’t give seonghwa what he wants - what he needs - and he knows it. seonghwa deserves galaxies upon galaxies - fuck, he’d give him the whole universe if he could - but how could he promise such a thing when he wasn’t even capable of being a star to him? how could he be so selfish to deprive him of the cosmos when he wasn’t a part of it?</p>
<p>he couldn’t bring himself to do such a thing, and so he didn’t.</p>
<p>letting him go had been the hardest decision of his life. watching him go out to find his love, his happiness, his soulmate, as nothing more than a friend had been torturous for him. it pained him, even more so knowing he willingly let him without even trying, but he only ever wanted him to be happy and if that meant letting him go, so be it.</p>
<p>it had been a mild surprise for everyone to hear that seonghwa had found his soulmate only months after finding out who it was. the news that they were dating came quickly after, and all of their friends were delighted to finally meet the man that made him smile enough to cure every evil thing in the world a few weeks later.</p>
<p>hongjoong had been surprised at how well he’d kept his composure despite his heart cracking. it had been painful to endure the whole ordeal, both emotionally and physically, but he had prepared for the day. he had to be ready to watch seonghwa bloom with his love while his hair changed over the seasons from it’s peach to white. he had to be ready to explain what was happening as his health deteriorated in plain sight. he had to be ready to lie and say that he was okay.</p>
<p>the following year of ‘18 saw many of his friends and close loved ones finding their significant others and securing bonds, and as much as he was happy for them, he couldn’t help but feel his heart hollow out slowly. his hair was now stark white and his skin was a similar enough shade. cracks formed and killer seeds buried deep within him began to bloom but it was bearable. he had to bear the pain for his friends, his family, his love.</p>
<p>hongjoong first felt his heart break when he heard they were finally moving in together just months after getting together. it was just a small studio flat somewhere in the city not too far from his own place, and it was beautiful to see when he visited. it was a home seonghwa and his lover had created, and the sheer joy seonghwa had showcasing the place was enough to block out the burning in his chest and throat.</p>
<p>for months on end had he endured the pain - the pain of watching his soulmate love somebody else - but it was worth it in the end. seonghwa was happy and in love, and that’s all he ever wanted for him. so what if he was slowly losing himself and hiding the truth from him? his own silent, selfless, self-destruction was worth it if it meant seonghwa was being loved how he should be.</p>
<p>however like most secrets, they get revealed. and like most tragic stories, it’s the protagonist who suffers the most.</p>
<p>it had been four hours. four excruciating hours since seonghwa had broken the news to him.</p>
<p>"joongie, i’m getting married!"</p>
<p>nothing had prepared him to hear the announcement that they were engaged and getting married next spring. it was inevitable, sure, but it was the last straw for hongjoong.</p>
<p>he knew he couldn’t save himself from this now but he didn’t want to. he had persevered for years just so he could see the day seonghwa would be truly happy and in love, and now he was finally seeing it over a mug of coffee with seonghwa smiling brighter than the sun and displaying his precious promise in the form of a ring on his finger.</p>
<p>but after that moment, hongjoong finally crashed.</p>
<p>as soon as he got home, he threw up everything; months, years even, of blossoms riddled with blood and love and hurt poured out from within his chest and into the toilet. a tsunami of emotions struck him and knocked him off his feet, clinging onto whatever little hope and stability he had left to ground him and save him from his own mind. he was officially broken beyond repair and it was his fault yet he still doesn’t regret it.</p>
<p>he falls into bed and everything becomes a daze. he doesn’t know what time it is anymore. what day it is, even.</p>
<p>all he knows is that the sky is turning a few shades lighter as time passes. beams of the early dawn seep through his blinds and paint his room with soft hues. cold crisp air sneaks into his room through the cracks of his window. birds chirp their merry songs and greetings throughout the neighbourhood like they do every day.</p>
<p>tears continue to paint his cheeks. his eyes burn hotter than fresh morning coffee. his nose and lips are red raw and pained. there’s so much pain within the beauty, he thinks, and yet he still can’t feel anything. nothing fills the void in his heart that’s cracked open to show a beautiful bunch of blossoms - the same ones that climb through his lungs, up his throat, through his body. the ones that block his lungs and make his throat close up. the ones that are so beautiful it kills.</p>
<p>hongjoong cannot do anything but think. he thinks back to the times spent together; the summer breaks at camp with their friends dousing each other in water when it got too hot, their late night talks about anything and everything, just the feeling of being able to be himself around him was enough for him.</p>
<p>he smiles as he recalls the memories that still plague his mind in the best way. seonghwa’s smile and laugh etched into his brain, giving him enough boost to keep on breathing. it’s such a struggle and he’s so fucking tired but he has to keep going.</p>
<p>he has to keep going for seonghwa.</p>
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